Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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