Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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