we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
