Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
