I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
