guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
