Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize