After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
