Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
