I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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