If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
