That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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