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Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize