i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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