I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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