Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
