Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
