The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
