i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
