I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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