Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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