When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need help removing her.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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