i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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