in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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