just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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