you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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