I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
