so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
