from now on my penis is your penis
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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