chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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