I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize