So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
