everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
