I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
