I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
