Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
