HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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