I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she pinky promised me she was 18
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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