Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
