i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
