we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize