Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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