1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
