Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You smell like stripper and shame
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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