Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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