I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize