I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
