There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
