Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
