So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
