So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
