Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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