Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
