youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
