Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
