After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize