There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
