I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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