the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
