The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
