its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
