im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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