what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize