The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
