I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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