Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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