you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
