He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
