I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
