dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
