Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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