fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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