Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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