He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
