I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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