it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize