I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
