So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
