So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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