My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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