HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
