I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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