I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
