I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
