so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
