last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
