On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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