i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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