Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
