i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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