Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
