Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
