next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
