I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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