So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
