I accidentally had phone sex last night
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
